The second day of the Andrus Center’s Transforming America: Women & Leadership in the 21st Century event kicked off with an irreverent take on women’s lives by writer and commentator Anne Taylor Fleming titled, Ten Things We Should Tell Our Daughters.
Anne Taylor Fleming is a nationally recognized writer and television commentator. For two decades she was an on-camera essayist for the NewsHour with Jim Lehrer and the author of two works of fiction: Marriage: A Duet and As If Love Were Enough, a deep exploration of family, divorce, infidelity and redemption—a book writer Mark Salzman calls “daring, original, surprising and wise.” Her previous non-fiction book, Motherhood Deferred: A Woman’s Journey, is a passionate exploration of the choices made by women of her baby boom generation. For her TV essays Fleming received a 2006 Gracie Allen award given by the American Women in Radio and Television.
Before she even took the stage, her words were projected to the audience. “It’s strange to realize that one of the dominant battlegrounds in one’s lifetime is not some exotic place like Iraq – or even the war on terror. No, the ultimate battlefield has been the female body.”
Then she launched into her Top 10 list. While it was titled for younger women, it resonated across the generations of women in the room.
Imagine a Big Life
Don’t see barriers, don’t plan for the hitches. Don’t be small, don’t think small, don’t let anybody make you small.
Find Something You’re Passionate About AND Can Get Paid For
Find something that moves you, a reason to get up every day. The point is, do what you want to do and find out how to make money from it.
Find A Cause You Believe In
Something that engages you beyond the boundaries of your work. It’s not just giving back, it’s part of being alive, it’s part of breathing.
Don’t Be Too Nice
Kindness is underrated, niceness is not. It can be a trap. Don’t be too perky.
Hold Onto Your Friends
They are our lifeline. It is the gift. Life gets complicated, but hold onto your friends. Stay in touch – they know your life and they are your soul. Social media is an illusion of authenticity – you want to, need to hear their voices and their tears and their guffaws.
Learn to Live With Your Regrets
How do you assimilate your regrets and not let them tear you down. You don’t get over it, you live with it and move forward.
Beware of the Caregiving Trap
How much of our self affirmation do we want to draw from caregiving. Do it, but pay attention to your boundaries. Do it with eyes open. We as women need to talk about it – caregiving can be an isolating experience.
Don’t Be Afraid to Make A Fool of Yourself
We get cut off from the fact that we’re supposed to be fun, have fun, be silly. Don’t take yourself too seriously as you are taking the world seriously.
Age On Your Own Terms
60 is not the new 40. It’s great that women are aging with energy and verve, but we give away so much while acceding to that myth. Remember and honor this – you have history, you have wounds, you have wisdom, you have authority.
Get A Dog
All women need dogs. We have so much unused love that gets damaged and siphoned off. Dogs just want to take all the joy and love you can give them.